It has been awhile since i put my thoughts into words, been doing nothing for the past 6 weeks.
i looked back at what has been going on. damn..nothing.
No work, randomly meeting up friends, thrice weekly soccer session, and that's it.
Realize i have been the one always calling people up to meet me, why is it so difficult?
It takes 2 hand to clap, it also take 2 to stay in contact. I somehow realize you don't lose your friends, you just come to know who is there for u. Everyone is just busy with life.
I do realize since i do not have anything to do, anyone to love and any dreams to hope for, that makes me an extreme unhappy person. And my time is always on standby for one man. For the last couple of months when i was oversea for long duration, with no friends, no one to talk to, she was always there, probably the only person whom can relate to me. That is one solid reason why we became together. Many people doubted us and say "i told you so" but how many of you were there for me? Through all the days and time when i was alone, touch your heart and asked yourself my dear friends.. who bother to even asked "how's your day?" At the very least she does provide me with my hourly 'wud' drama.
‘你不需要依赖任何人’ 是当你还有人可以依赖时说的话。 Human are selfish, very selfish.
Recently, just 3 weeks back, somehow Z pop back into my life, we seems to have 'endless' topic to talk about, of course we do..we haven't been in touch for 10 years. But as fast and as random as things seems to happen.. There is some unspoken feelings that is better left that way; unsaid...
I don't think I want to lose another special friend again. I know myself well, i know my character, even though over the years people changed, i know i have changed too.. But some things remain. So suddenly both of us, or perhaps its me, the 'withdrawal symptom' relapsed again. If this is the best distance between us, then it shall be.
I know how people always tell me how lucky i am to have what i have, and to do what i do, to get what i get. Plus all the attentions that i received. But how many realize that i do not need lots of attention. I just want to be able to find one soul mate. Just one, through all the good, the bad and the ugly.
I don't know how this thing works.. i can be occupied with lots of work commitment, getting lots of random attention, and meeting friends from all walks of life..anything that get me occupied throughout the day. But I still feel very much lonely.
That's how i felt for the past one, two years..No one really care, everyone is just curious to get a juicy piece of gossip.
